Scene II


(Coffee shop; morning; Jerry is sitting alone reading the menu; restaurant is very busy)

Elaine: (enters in a rush) Sorryyyyy. I’m late. I overslept.

Jerry: That’s ok. I have nothing better to do than sit here waiting for you.

Elaine: Rrrau! Aren’t we cheery this morning. Sleep alone AGAIN last night, did we?

Jerry: (sarcastically) Funny. No I had this idea for another tv show.

Elaine: Really?

Jerry: Yeah. It came to me in a dream last night.

Elaine: Oh, yeah? In a dream? What was it about?

Jerry: For the life of me, I can’t remember.

Elaine: Why didn’t you just write it down when you got up?

Jerry: You don’t think I thought of that? I tried. But first I couldn’t find a pen and then I tried to get one from Kramer, but he started going on and on about this wild dream he had with maple syrup and….

Elaine: What?

Jerry: It’s not important. The point is that by the time I got his pen, I’d forgotten the dream.

Elaine: Hmmmmm. (pause) You know I had a really wild dream last night too… It was bordering on scary….. (starts eating a bread stick)

Jerry: Oh really….

Elaine: You’ve seen the Disney movie “Fantasia”, right?

Jerry: I was a child once. Yes.

Elaine: (moving in towards Jerry, lowering her voice) Remember what happened when Mickey put on the sorcerer’s hat?

Jerry: Mm-hmmm. (tries to get waitresses attention to order)

Elaine: Well…. (getting quieter) I was Mickey.

Jerry: You were Mickey.

Elaine: Yeah.

Jerry: You were Mickey. Mickey Mouse. THE Mickey Mouse.

Elaine: Yes, Jerry. I was Mickey. The hat the robe, the rockets flying from my fingertips. Everything. It was weird.

Jerry: I can imagine. (motions to waitress again)

Elaine: I was in the castle, right. And at first I was just, you know, doing mild stuff, zapping the brooms, making them carry the buckets of water, stuff like that. I was zapping ‘em all. Then, and this is where it gets really weird, out of nowhere, I’m on the streets of Manhattan, on the upper West Side.

Jerry: Upper West Side. Very classy.

Elaine: Of course. So anyway, at first I’m just walking down the street, you know, looking in store windows at shoes and stuff like that. But then I started to think of all the people I’d like to zap.

Jerry: You thought this in your dream? You have that much control of your dreams?

Elaine: Yeah, don’t you?

Jerry: Just go on.

Elaine: So here I am walking down the streets of New York, zapping evil people from my life that I haven’t seen for years and making them disappear. Bobby Taylor, the boy who sat behind me in second grade and pulled my hair. ZAP!!! Mrs. Greely, the high school librarian who yelled at me in front of all my friends for talking in the library. ZAP!!! Joe Oliver, the accountant who screwed up my taxes in ’87. ZAP!!!…. And… I …..liked it!

Jerry: You liked it?

Elaine: Yeah. But then I started zapping strangers, people I’d never seen before. INNOCENT people!….. And I LOVED it! I’m like laughing hysterically. I’m walking down the streets zapping anyone! People are running, screaming to get out of my way. And I’d ZAP ‘em. People pleading, begging me to stop and I’d just ZAP ‘em! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!!!

Jerry: (thinking out loud) That’s it…. I remember my dream! Where’s my pen! (patting his pockets)

Elaine: Jerry, are you listening to me? I’m zapping innocent people!

Jerry: Yeah, yeah. Innocent people. (Motions to waitress) Can I borrow your pen?

Elaine: And not only am I zapping people. But I’m enjoying it! I’m drunk with the power!

(Waitress walks by the table)

Jerry: (to waitress) A pen?

Waitress: In a minute, Hon!

Elaine: Jerry!

Jerry: I’M LISTENING!!! (to himself) Don’t forget. Don’t forget. Don’t forget….

Elaine: Then, and this is the scary part. My mother comes right up to me out of nowhere, shaking her finger and says, “Elaine, that’s not very nice. What you are doing is not very nice!” So….. I zapped her! I ZAPPED MY OWN MOTHER!!!

(Jerry is nervously tapping the table, watching the waitress. Waitress walks back by and throws pen on table)

Waitress: There you go, Hon.

Jerry: Thank you!! (immediately grabs pen and starts to write on napkin, but throws pen down) I don’t believe this!

Elaine: What’s the matter?

Jerry: Fine point! It’s a fine point pen! I can’t write with a fine point pen!

Elaine: You can’t write with a fine point pen????

Jerry: No!

Elaine: Weird…. Well, I have a pen (starts digging in her purse)

Jerry: You have a pen? Why didn’t you say that before?

Elaine: I don’t know (she continues digging, but then stops). Do you think I’m really that controlling or power hungry?

Jerry: Pen! Pen!

Elaine: Okay. Okay…. (sarcastically) Wouldn’t want you to forget your masterpiece dream. (Finds pen. Looks at it) Medium point. (Hands it to Jerry)

(Jerry sits with pen but not writing)

Elaine: You forgot it, didn’t you?

Jerry: Gone! (throws the pen on table)

Elaine: (sarcastically) Isn’t it interesting the way some people can remember their dreams and some people can’t?

Jerry: Listen, Mickey. I may not be able to remember my dream, but I know I didn’t zap my mother. You need serious therapy.